Fearing the worst

I know I’ve been absent lately. It was pointless attempt at keeping my mind off of things until we got to our next ultrasound, which is tomorrow.

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks, trying to stay positive and not worry about things too much. I was doing a pretty good job, I think, and was so excited that we have another u/s and I would hopefully get some more reassurance.

That all ended this morning. I got out of bed and said good morning to my husband and dogs. While I was sitting on the couch, I felt what has come to be the familiar sensation of wet underwear, but this time was different than the last four weeks. This time there was a LOT of wetness. I went to the bathroom and even before I evaluated the situation, I felt like it was going to be bad news. My underwear was full of dark red/brown blood, so full, in fact, that it had soaked through to my pajamas.

I told my husband about it and he asked what it meant. I told him that I honestly didn’t know. He asked if I should research it on the internet and I told him that I already knew what I would find: women who had bleeding and miscarried, and those who had bleeding and went on to have happy and healthy pregnancies. I went back and forth about going to urgent care, and ultimately decided to just take a “wait and see approach.” If the bleeding got worse, then it would seem obvious what the outcome would be, and if it didn’t then who knows what’s going on. Either way, I’ll have my answer tomorrow. So far the bleeding has tapered off, but I’m still spotting brown.

Please keep me in your thoughts. I am fearing the worst, but hopeful that I am pleasantly suprised.