I realize that I’ve not been very good at updating after appointments, which is something that I kind of regret because it would be nice to document all of the details and feelings while things are still fresh in my mind, but something is keeping me from doing it. I think that I am still very protective of this pregnancy and maybe feeling just a little bit selfish about wanting to keep the experience all for myself and my husband. And I’m still not wanting to “get ahead of myself” with everything, should anything bad happen and documenting everything still feels a bit like playing with fire… I just don’t want to get too excited and then get burned in the end.

But for now I’m ready to share the events of last week. We had our 10.5 week appointment set to meet with the NP and have a physical, and as I mentioned before, I also managed to squeeze in another u/s due to all of the spotting that I’d been having. I wasn’t super concerned that anything would be wrong, I was more just curious to see if all of the spotting meant that the sub chronic hemotoma (SCH) has decreased in size. The u/s tech said that it did look smaller, but it’s hard to tell exactly how much smaller since it had completely changed in shape. Everything else looked good, baby was measuring right on track and the heartbeat was in the 170’s.

We then met with a nurse who took our medical histories and then the NP came in to give me my physical and pap. I was a bit disheartened with she said that my pelvic bones are a bit “flat” which means that I may have difficulties giving birth vaginally. She didn’t rule out a vaginal birth, but said we’d “have to see what the powers of labor can do.” Again, not what I wanted to hear.

I was scheduled to meet with one of the four doctors at the practice, but she had a dental emergency, so we weren’t able to meet her. They offered to have me meet with my regular GYN, which we said was fine, then found of five minutes later that he was running an hour behind due to having to cover for the other doctor. So we didn’t get to see a doctor at all that day, which seemed fine at the time, but in retrospect, I wish that we’d had the opportunity to talk to someone about the SCH and what, if anything, it means with respect to the pregnancy. We left the office feeling good about everything and looking forward to our next u/s in two weeks.

The confident feeling was extremely short lived. In the middle of the next night, I got up to go to the bathroom and found the toilet full of red blood, with red blood on the tissue as well. I wasn’t cramping, so I wasn’t in full on panic mode, but it was a lot of blood which had me significantly worried. The next morning I hemmed and hawed about calling the doctor, not wanting to be one of “those” patients, but did end up calling first thing. They were able to get us in immediately for and u/s which was much appreciated. Right away the u/s tech found the baby and we saw it do a little flip for us…absolutely amazing! It was the first time we’d seen it move and immediately put our minds at east. We listened to the heartbeat which was in the 170’s again and the baby continued to measure right on target. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the feeling of relief that seeing our tiny baby brings me.

As for the bleeding? Within the span of the day and a half since our last u/s, I’d developed yet another hemorrhage. This one was much smaller than the first, though the tech was a little perplexed since it was near the top of the uterus and she would have expected any bleeding from that hemorrhage to be brown (due to the amount time it would take to move through my body), not red. Once again, we left feeling relieved and confident again.

I immediately e-mailed my friend who had borrowed a Doppler from yet another friend and asked her if I could pick it up soon. We made arrangements and I picked it up that night and put it to use right away. My husband happened to be away when I got it and I knew that searching for the heartbeat might make him upset since I wasn’t sure if we’d even be able to find it, so I gave it a go without him. It took a while, but I eventually found the heartbeat, nice and high in the 170’s again. And, as luck would have it, he walked in the door just then. Of course I‘m sure I was quite the sight to see…all slouched over the couch with my pants around my ankles and a bunch of blue goo all over my bikini line. He gave me the craziest look and I just said “that’s the heartbeat!!!”

I’m not 100% certain about the safety of using a Doppler every day, but for now, it’s what’s keeping me sane with all of the spotting, and I’ll take what I can get at this point. We’ve listened every night just for a few seconds just to put our mind at ease, and I am so grateful for the ability to do so.

As for the title of the post? I have officially started the countdown to the end of my meds. I put my very last estrogen patch on this morning and I have only two more progesterone shots left to do. I shouldn’t say this because I’ll probably jinx it and end up with a couple of bruisers, but as of right now, I really can’t complain about the PIO shots. Everyone told me that I’d be so sore at the end of the shots, but for now I feel really good. Sure, I’ve had a few shots that didn’t go super great and left me sore for a day or two, but I don’t have any of the lingering pain or numbness that seem to be so common with prolonged PIO usage. I will count myself as very, very fortunate in that regard. Stopping the supplemental meds with make this pregnancy seem even that much more real. I’m so grateful for how far we’ve come; at so many times it seemed like we’d never get to 12 weeks and yet here it is, only two days away.

It still feels like a dream and I don’t believe it at times. But it is real and even though it’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around sometimes, there is not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for all we’ve been given.