Today marks the end of my sixth week of pregnancy. Assuming that I am, in fact, still pregnant. I absolutely hate thinking that way. Hate.it. But I can’t help it. I was really hoping that once I hit that magical six week mark I would start to feel some reassuring symptoms. I even told my husband last night that I hoped I puked today. So far – nothing. Not even the smallest twinge of nausea. No exhaustion so extreme that I can’t make it through the day without a nap. No metallic taste in my mouth, no super sensitive nose, no dark blue veins on my chest. Nothing. It is so difficult for me to believe that Monday’s u/s could have a good outcome given my complete lack of symptoms. I am such a Debbie Downer, it’s disgusting.

In other news, I did end up telling my boss that I am pregnant on Friday (after she asked…I didn’t offer it up to her out of the blue). One of the first things out of her mouth was “how much time are you planning to take off?” I was caught off guard by the shocking confidence of her question, assuming that a pregnancy would lead to a guaranteed baby in the end, especially since I know that she’s had a miscarriage before. I stammered that I hadn’t even begun to think about anything like that and that after 2 ½ years of trying to get pregnant, I can’t let myself even begin to think about anything beyond today. She said something to the effect of “Well I have to think that after trying for so long, the fact that you’re pregnant now means that this one will last.” Umm. OK. There’s absolutely no logic whatsoever in that statement. I appreciate her positive attitude about things, but it’s very clear that she’ll never understand what it’s like to go through what I’ve been through, and I don’t expect her to. I know that we will probably never be on the same page regarding pregnancy, and that’s fine with me. It doesn’t bother me, it’s just a little shocking how confident she can be, even with her previous loss.

So there we are on opposite ends of the spectrum…she’s planning out her maternity leave and I’m terrified that at any moment the other shoe could drop. I like her outlook better, I just wish I could get myself to think that way.

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