I had a crazy, crazy dream the other night. The girls from my online support group who already had babies were having a play date for their kids. Somehow I found out about it and crashed the party despite the fact that I had no kid to participate in the play date. Suddenly the mothers were no where to be found and it was just me and the kids, so I decided to invite some of my friends over.

As in a typical dream, the kids somehow vanished and were no longer there, and all of my friends had disappeared too. It was just me and my husband sitting in the house. Apparently at some point I had decided to make muffins (I AM on a serious muffin kick lately), and had managed to spill a very large pool of oil all over the floor as well as other messes in the kitchen. Just as I was going to clean it up, the couple whose house we were at pulled up in the driveway. I walked outside to meet them and the husband commented on how someone had made a bonfire in the front yard and had left a whole slew of beer cans with teeth attached to them (huh?) out there by the fire. This was news to me because my friends had all been inside; I wasn’t even aware that anything had even gone down outside.

Anyway, occurred to me that they should probably be mad at me since there was now a burnt circle in their lawn and the house was a mess. But they just looked at me with sad faces and I realized that they felt they couldn’t be mad at me because I was infertile and had no kids of my own. Their pity for me was enough for them to look past the damage to their house. It was better to have kids and a messy house and burnt lawn than to be infertile. They just started to clean the house without saying anything to me. Very strange and awkward.

Then I woke up. Good lord, I can’t even escape my infertility when I’m sleeping? I’m sure that there’s loads of good things to be learned and taken from this dream, but all I’m taking from it is that infertility sucks.