I just got the call and my beta was negative. While I was very well aware of this, it was still nice just to have the official confirmation. I have been feeling crampy for a past few days, so it will be nice to let my body do what is wants to, which is shed all remnants of this cycle away.

Today is my second anniversary of marriage with Mark and while getting these results today should probably make me feel sad, I actually feel a sense of renewal. We’re beginning a new year of our life together and beginning another phase in expanding our family. It feels almost like starting over with a clean slate, which is very much needed and appreciated.

It’s strange to think that our entire marriage has been spent trying to have a baby. I know that no one plans on being infertile, but I never would have imagined myself in this position on our wedding day. Hell, I wouldn’t have even imagined us here one year ago. But it is what it is. We are where we are. And we have no choice but to accept our situation and try to make the best of things.

So tonight we are using a very generous gift certificate that a friend gave us as a wedding present two years ago and we’re going out for a fancy dinner. We’re not “fancy dinner” kind of people by any stretch of the mind, so it will be fun to play grown up and enjoy ourselves and all that we have. While the past two years have been one kind of hell after another, it really makes me appreciate the many good things that we have in our lives, and I fully intend to celebrate those things tonight.