I’m not going to lie, the one thing I was afraid of most in the entire IVF process was not the emotional aspect of things, not the surgery that is egg retrieval, not the possibility of failure. No, the thing I was afraid of most was the PIO shots. It was the freaking huge needle that was destined for my butt. Seriously, the mere thought of it made me sweat with fear.

As it turns out, PIO is just like everyone says…it’s not as bad as you’d think it is. After the huge debacle that was my first PIO shot, things have been a breeze. I’ve got a system down and it works for me. The shots themselves are not painful and I really haven’t gotten any of the lumps, knots or welts that many women suffer from. I still have minor issues working myself up to actually sticking that mammoth needle in my butt, but it’s short lived.

By far the worst part of PIO for me is having to continue taking the shot every night even after a negative test and knowing that I’m not pregnant. Yes, I tested yesterday and there wasn’t even a hint of a line…not even an evap to tease me into thinking I’m actually pregnant. Nope…just a plain old negative test, just like all of the others that I’ve seen before. So here I am injecting a hormone into myself every night in an attempt to maintain a pregnancy that isn’t even there.

How insane is that? Really. It’s ridiculous.

So I have three more days of PIO shots until my beta, when I will no longer have to continue this charade.

My clinic requires a break cycle in between failed cycles (ugh, I can’t believe we failed!), so we’ll start BCP’s again sometime in February and get to the fun part of a new cycle in March. In the meantime, we’re taking a cruise in February and you can bet that I will be taking full advantage of all of the sugar, dairy and alcohol that I can get my hands on that week.

As disappointed as I feel like I should be, I actually feel ok. Which is slightly disturbing. What the hell is wrong with me? Seriously.