So on Thursday I had my annual pap smear appointment with my OB/GYN, otherwise known as Dr. Ass Clown. If you’re not familiar with this post, then the quick summary is that I went to see Dr. Ass Clown when we’d been trying for 6 months and asked him to give me the cycle day three tests. His response was that there was no need since both my husband and I are young and healthy and that we just needed to give it more time. “The system works” he told us and proceeded to tell me lots of ridiculous stories of patients of his who despite struggles with fertility got pregnant. Blah, blah, blah. Back then I was not as pushy or insistent as I have since become, so I just believed him and went on my merry way. Besdies, isn’t t easier to believe that everything is OK, than to fight with someone hoping that they’ll find something wrong with you?

Anyway, the last time I saw Dr. Ass Clown was last December when he gave me a sonohysterogram, which was his “compromise” with me since I didn’t want to pay for an HSG. Since December, I found out that I have elevated FSH, which of course has made me very bitter and resentful towards Dr. Ass Clown because if he had run those CD3 tests that I had requested back in July of ’07, then I would have found out about the problem a good six months earlier. That would have been six months in which I could have escalated our treatment plan. In fact, had I found out six months earlier, I may have even been pregnant right now, instead of still trying to get pregnant. So yeah, I’m still carrying around bad feelings towards this doctor.

But back to Thursday. Dr. Ass Clown walks in and asks me how things are going and we have some small talk. Then he asks how things are going on the infertility front. Well, it’s pretty obvious since he’s my OB/GYN, that things aren’t going so well, otherwise I would have been in to see him a lot more frequently than I have. I told him that we’re just starting an IVF cycle and that we’d already tried once and that it was cancelled. He looked at me and ask “because you had too many follicles?” Umm…no. Because I didn’t have enough. And wow, while I’m typing this out, I just realized what an asinine question that really was. I personally have never, ever heard of someone having their IVF cycle cancelled because there were too many follicles. Huh. Well I guess that just justifies my opinion of him even more.

Anyway, he begins the exam and while he’s doing my breast exam (which totally creeps me out, for some reason), he asks me if we’ve considered adoption. EXCUSE ME?!? I was blown off of my feet. My own gynecologist is asking me if I’ve considered adoption. I told him that we were definitely not to that point yet all the while thinking in my head “especially since we just plunked down $20,000 for three tries at IVF.” He didn’t really have anything else to add about the subject so he just mentioned how expensive adoption is. Uh, yeah, and it’s no cake walk either!

So then we get to the good part of the appointment. In goes the speculum and he takes his little sample for my smear. Then he says to me and this is no joke “Well, it looks like I made you bleed a little bit. Has that ever happened during a pap before?” Umm…hello? How the hell am I supposed to know?!? I’m at the opposite end of this party, and having never given myself a pap before, I have no idea. Shouldn’t he be the one to know if he’s ever made me bleed before? Good lord. At this point I just wanted to get my clothes back on and get he hell out of there.

But of course I can’t get off that easy. He tells me to get dressed and he’ll come back and we’ll chat. Upon his return he asks if there is anything that they can do to help out with everything. Hmmm…nope. Nothing you can do to help out this time, Dr. Ass Clown. You refused to give my CD3 tests when I asked for them, told me everything was fine, and now you made me frickin bleed during my pap. I think you’ve done more than enough, thank you very much.

He did, however, end our “chat” by saying that RE’s are very protective of their pregnant patients and he knows that they like to keep them at their clinics for a while after they get pregnant before they graduate them. He said that if I ever had spotting or cramping or any concerns over the weekends once I do get pregnant, that I could call his office and they would see me. And believe me, that was a huge relief since I know that once I do get pregnant, I will be very, very nervous.

So now all I have to do is actually get pregnant. It shouldn’t be so tough, right? The system works!

Oh yeah, and for those who are curious, I will definitely be seeing a midwife once we finally see those two lines…I’ve had enough of Dr. Ass Clown for now.