On Saturday I celebrated my 30th birthday. I was surprised by how not upset I was over the whole thing. Not the turning thirty part…I’m not one of those women who is consumed by those milestone birthdays. No, to me age is nothing but a number. The part I expected to be upset about was how I had 100% planned and counted on being pregnant. It’s no secret that I’ve really been into the positive thinking thing lately, and I had really convinced myself that I would definitely be celebrating the beginning of my fourth decade as a pregnant woman. Hell, I even had a sticky note on my monitor at work that said “IWBP Oct 17th,” which of course was the acronym for “I will be pregnant October 17th,” which likely would have been the day of my beta, should things have gone according to plan.

Well, I didn’t ovulate during my cancelled IVF cycle, so needless to say there was no physical way for me to be pregnant on Oct 17th, nor for my birthday on Oct 18th, for that matter. And in the week leading up to my birthday, I really thought that this was going to be a serious issue for me. I kept imaging how miserable I would be to watch yet another year go by without children as a part of my life. Thinking about how I’ve lived 30 years now and have no family to show of it. I was wondering if I would have a baby of my own or at the very least be knocked up by the time I turned 31, or if this upcoming year would also slip by without that desperately desired pregnancy.

But the truth of it is that my entire birthday weekend was one of the best weekends that I’ve had in a really long time. Yes, the rather liberal amounts of alcohol consumed may have aided in all of the fun, but I’d like to think that it was so much more than just booze induced enjoyment. In all honesty, I didn’t think much about babies, pregnancies, infertility or IVF at all this weekend. Instead, I was focused on enjoying the things that I do have, and the things that bring me the most joy in life right now. I spent hours upon hours with my friends. I enjoyed the great weather outside with my husband and dogs. I picked up a new hobby this weekend which will definitely bring me lots of fun in the future. I dined with my parents and was grateful for all of the love and support that they have given me throughout the first 30 years of my life.

No, I may not have what I originally planned for my birthday this year, but I found that what I did have was more than enough to fill me with joy and hope for the future. Here’s hoping that my 31st will be just a sweet as this one was.

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