At 2:41 pm today my phone rang and it was my nurse telling me that we’ve been cancelled. Needless to say, I’m devastated.

But let’s back up just a bit so that you have the entire story.

I had my second u/s and b/w today to check on how the follicles were growing. My nurse came in and while she was getting everything prepped, I noticed that we had the granddaddy of all u/s machines in the room I was in today. I commented on it and she said that she wanted to use the newer one since it’s better and gives a clearer picture than the older ones. She mentioned that she had seen my results from the last u/s and thought it would be best to use the new one so we could get the best idea of what my ovaries are up to, which I definitely appreciated.

So she started on the right side and right away three sizable follicles popped up. Better than Wednesday, I thought to myself. A fourth one was easily found after that. Then she moved over to the left and there were six or seven visible there and they were of a decent size too. The nurse was obviously pleased and said how much better this was than last time and I immediately felt so much better. She was talking about how they would need to check my blood work and see how it looked, but that things were looking well. I asked her what the estrogen levels should be at this point and she said at least 200. She also asked if my husband has any male factor issues and I told her no. She said that was good incase this didn’t work out, we could convert to an IUI. I completely blew off her comment thinking that with 10 to 11 follicles on day 4.5 of stims there’s no way that things wouldn’t work out.

I left the clinic feeling really good about things, and even posted on my online buddy group about how relieved I was that things were looking so much better. Then my phone rang and the area code was from Iowa. My clinic operates on the “no news is good news” theory, so I was a bit concerned. There wasn’t any chit chatting or small talk; she just spat it out. My estrogen level wasn’t where it needed to be to continue the cycle and I was to discontinue the meds and schedule a consult with the RE. I asked her what my estrogen was and she said 195. What?!? Earlier she had said that it needed to be 200 and I couldn’t believe that they would cancel me for being a measly five points below where I needed to be. When I asked her about it, she said that I really needed to be closer to 400 at this point. She said that the goal isn’t to get me to retrieval, which they could do if we were to continue on. The goal is to get me pregnant, and chances of that just aren’t good with the slow start that I’m off to.

So that’s where we’re at. Cancelled.

On Monday I will call to make our consult appointment with our RE. I really hope that he can provide some insight and a revised plan for our next cycle. At this point I have no idea what comes next. Someone told me to consider the good that came out of this, which is that at least they know how my body responds now and can try something else for next time, which is a great way to find a positive from this situation. But right now I can’t seem to get past the fact that we never even got the chance to get pregnant, and that’s what hurts the most right now.