Yesterday we FINALLY told my parents about our fertility struggles. To say that it went nothing like I had imagined would be an understatement. Here is how it went down:

Me: So Mark and I went to Iowa on Thursday
Mom: What did you do there?
Me: We went to a fertility clinic.
Mom: Oh really? What for?
Me: Because we’re going to be starting IVF soon.
Mom: Now what exactly does that mean?
Dad: It’s in-vitro fertilization, right?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Would you consider doing acupuncture first?

WHAT?!? That’s the first thing out of her mouth when she finds out that we’re struggling with infertility? This was not at all what I had expected from her. If you’ll recall from my post here, I had envisioned her being so empathetic to our situation and immediately understanding the emotional side of things, but this could not have been farther from what actually happened.

After I told my mom that we had actually been doing acupuncture off and on for over a year, she went on to tell me about how she was at an acupuncture appointment at the end of the day and they forgot about her and everyone left the office while she was still laying there on the table. The whole time that she was telling this story, my head was just spinning. I couldn’t believe that this was her reaction to our news. She didn’t ask any questions of us, just launched into this story of how she was abandoned at an acupuncture appointment once. Mark and I exchanged looks of disbelief and I could feel my dad looking at me and then Mark and then back to me again. I think he was right on the same wavelength as Mark and I; wondering why in the world she was telling this ridiculous story when we had just told them that we’re about to begin the most intense of all reproductive technologies.

I have a feeling that our news shocked the hell out of her and she didn’t know how to respond, so she just went with what she knew so that she could try to process the information and ask intelligent questions. A stall technique, if you will. This is what I’m hoping at least. It was just really atypical of my mom and not at all how I had envisioned everything going down.

Anyway, after we had finished the acupuncture discussion, they started asking questions and we explained our history to them and why we are doing IVF. Then we got more of the response that I had expected. My mom said that while she and my dad hadn’t had a chance to discuss it yet, she was sure that they would be willing to help us out financially if we needed it, or whatever else we needed as well. She offered to go to my appointments with me and then said “I know you’ll probably laugh, but I would love to do Reiki on you if you would like.” (This is the ONE part of yesterday that DID go exactly as I had pictured it.) I told her that would be great since I’ve been seeing someone for Reiki for a few months. My dad said that he would be more than happy to take care of the dogs for us when we needed to be gone overnight, and also agreed to let us use their Prius to save some money on gas if we wanted.

I still don’t think that my mom has even begun to realize the emotional struggle that we’ve been through over the past 21 months, which is weird. I think my dad got it so much more than she did and he even made a comment about how it had probably been a huge emotional burden for us. He did mention that he had read this article and this one, which were run in our local paper about a month ago, so maybe that’s why he was a bit more understanding of what we’ve been going through. Either way, my dad gave me an extra big hug when we were leaving yesterday, which was a nice recognition of the fact that things haven’t been easy for us.

In the end, the whole thing ended up being OK, but it certainly did get off to a weird and unexpected start.

In other fertility related news, my support group had a BBQ last night so that we could get to know each other’s husbands and also spend time together outside of the support group environment. I had a really good time and though I know Mark was dreading it, I think he might have even enjoyed himself. There is one woman in our group who is not even TTC, but did have a significant struggle to conceive her son and attends the meetings with the sole purpose of supporting the rest of us through our journeys. It is so great that she is there for us and so refreshing to see things from her perspective now that she is on “the other side” of infertility. Anyway, she and her husband brought their two and a half year old son and he was just a doll. He was adorable and funny and just a joy to be around. He called all of the ladies “Miss” (I was Miss Jessica) and it was a hoot. He was a definite reminder of what it is that we’re pursuing and helps to reinforce that doing IVF is right for us.

Additionally, I found out that one of the girls who was planning on moving on to IVF is indeed doing so, and it sounds like she may be only a couple of weeks behind me with her first cycle. I’m hoping that we’re somewhat close in dates so that we can go through this together. There are plenty of online buddy groups that I could join for support, but it would be really nice to have someone in real life to talk to about things.

We are so hoping that IVF does the trick for us, and hopefully with the first cycle. While failed IUI’s are difficult to deal with, I can only imagine how much more difficult and painful it is to have a failed IVF. Overall, we’re feeling good and are excited to get going! Our rough estimate has me starting birth control on the 21st and we can’t wait!

Advertisements