No, not really. Here I sit at 12DPO and I have managed to not test at all yet, not even an OPK to see what the trigger was doing…nothing. I’m pretty darn proud of myself, but honestly, I haven’t had the urge to test like I have in the past. Of course my lack of symptoms is probably a good reason for my lack of desire to pee on something. So far the only things I can report as symptoms are somewhat sore boobs (but only to the touch) and being tired lately. Of course I can chalk up the sore boobs to the progesterone suppositories and I can explain away the tiredness with an active weekend, so really I have nothing.

I think that my entire mindset regarding TTC and HPT’s is changing too though. I used to test like a mad woman, usually once a day starting at 10DPO, sometimes twice a day even. I was OK with seeing the negatives because I would tell myself that it was just too early to get a positive, so the negatives were never very difficult to take. Now I’m actually kind of scared to test. A negative at this stage in the game is so much more difficult to handle. The amount of time, energy, money and mental involvement that we devote to each cycle coupled with the sheer length of time that we’ve been trying brings such a huge sense of defeat when that second line doesn’t appear.

I can’t bear the thought of seeing only one line on another test, especially when everything went so well this cycle. Mark provided such an awesome sample, I should have had at least three follicles (maybe four), my HSG should have cleared out any debris that might have been clogging up my tubes, and the IUI was timed perfectly. If this month is a bust, it will be difficult to continue on knowing that even in the most perfect circumstances, we were unable to make a baby.

Anyway, all this is to say that I don’t know when, or if I will test.

Advertisements