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Go to almost any infertility blog today and you will see a post that is somehow related to Mother’s Day. This isn’t one of those posts. Well, I guess technically it is since I just mentioned it, but it isn’t me lamenting about how difficult Mother’s Day is for me.
To me Mother’s Day is just another day. I’m no more upset or sad today than I am any other day of the year. Today I went out to breakfast with my husband and my parents, and spent the afternoon with my cousins celebrating a birthday. All in all, it was a great day. And other than the following exchange, I didn’t even think about the fact that we’re childless.
Cousin H: How are the boys (referring to our two dogs)?
Me: They’re doing well. Chili has actually decided to not be a pain in the butt all the time anymore.
Cousin H: I guess it’s time for kids then!!
Other than that, I hardly thought about kids, babies, or TTC at all today.
Of course that does concern me a bit, I guess. Sometimes I wonder if that means that I don’t want children badly enough. If this day doesn’t upset me more than any other, does that mean that I shouldn’t be a mom? I don’t honestly think so…ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was be a mom. Although I want to be a mom more than anything, I CAN imagine my life without children. It’s not what I want, but I can imagine it and I think that I could be happy without children.
But I’m not ready to give up on my dreams of being a mom; compared to many, we’ve only just begun this journey. There may be many more childless Mother’s Days in the future for us and I can’t speculate how I’ll feel for those days, but for now, today it just another day.
